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The Bedroom

M is for Maintaining Marital Intimacy

We all know the cliché about how your sex life dies a slow, lingering death after marriage. But with a little effort, creativity, and willingness, you can ensure that the old cliché remains just a cliché.

Today, the norm is that both spouses have full-time jobs (and in this economy, perhaps more than one). Add in children, church or military service, and extended family obligations, and romance may seem like just one more thing on the to-do list.

Here are a few creative ways to maintain that intimacy you had when you were still newlyweds. Some take a little more time and effort than others, but your spouse and your marriage are worth going the extra mile for, aren’t they?

  • Change your sex routine. Set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier and jump your mate before work. Have an “nooner” while the baby naps. Buy a copy of The Pocket Kama Sutra and try something new. Instead of the bed, use the kitchen floor (unless it’s a very cold, hard Mexican tile). The point is to shake things up and break out of the rut.
  • Plan a date. And really plan the date. Don’t just suggest that you go out somewhere. Decide what you’re going to do, where you’re going to go and when, and if necessary, hire the babysitter. Make sure it’s something your spouse will enjoy. It’s nice to be swept off your feet at the end of a long week.
  • Arrange fun for your spouse–without you. We all need to recharge our batteries. So schedule a spa day or buy concert tickets for your spouse and his best friend. Feeling refreshed can open a person up to feeling more romantic and connected with their mates afterward.
  • Mail a handwritten love note. If you can send it to your spouse’s work, great. But mailing one to your home is also as effective. It’s a great pick-me-up amidst the bills and junk mail in the box. Not sure what to say? Check out “How to Write the Perfect Love Letter in 3 Short Paragraphs“, “How to Write a Love Letter“, and “8 Tips for Writing a Love Letter to Your Spouse“.
  • Wear something that makes you feel good. You’ll feel sexy and confident, and that will drive your loved one wild.
  • Kiss, kiss, kiss. Take time to kiss your spouse everyday. The peck on the cheek before you fall asleep at night is okay, but you should consider taking it to the next level. A deep, probing kiss (especially out of the blue) can do much to awaken even the most tired of libidos.
  • Have more sex. Let’s face it, you’re not always in the mood for a long lovemaking session. But having sex more often doesn’t have to equate to the whole drawn-out ritual of foreplay and mutual orgasm. Oral sex, contrary to some belief, is still sex. And while some women may disagree, you really don’t have to have an orgasm every single time. Sometimes just the act of lovemaking can bring a sense of fulfillment and release. A quickie can do much to keep the fires burning when there may not be enough time for something more sensual. Just feeling your spouse’s arms around you afterwards creates an intimate bond that will stay with you even after the passionate moment has passed.

What are some of the ways you keep your romance alive?


8 thoughts on “M is for Maintaining Marital Intimacy

  1. Hi, just popped in to see what you’ve been up to. Quietly closed the door and left. 🙂

    Posted by Geoffrey | April 14, 2012, 16:59
  2. Lots of good ideas here — and a very important factor in marriage.

    One of the things that always worked for us was, we had a standing date night. Once a week, no matter what, we went out. If money was really short, we went for pizza and brought the leftovers home for the kids. Sometimes we just rented a movie for the kids to sit in front of while we sat in the other room and talked. It meant that every week we knew we were going to have time to talk to each other; discussing a problem or issue came much more naturally and tensions didn’t have time to build up.

    Bringing home flowers once in a while is nice, too. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion.

    Posted by bonniers | April 14, 2012, 19:50
    • That’s one of our biggest challenges, getting “alone” time. Around here, it’s difficult finding a sitter. I can really feel the difference when we haven’t had quality time together for a while, there’s just a disconnect. I like the idea of getting a movie for the kids and having a separate “date” in the other room!


      Posted by A Common Sea | April 16, 2012, 09:13
  3. It’s always a challenge. I’m trying to visit all the A-Z Challenge Blogs this month. My alphabet is at

    Posted by sharkbytes | April 16, 2012, 09:49
  4. I love the idea of mailing your spouse a handwritten love note!

    Dropping by from A to Z; it’s nice to meet you.

    Posted by Danielle L. Zecher | April 30, 2012, 20:48
    • I discovered a giant box of stationery when I was cleaning out the basement. There’s something about having nice paper to write on that inspires you to send something handwritten–and why not a love not to your spouse? 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!


      Posted by A Common Sea | April 30, 2012, 21:42
  5. Reblogged this on The Amazon Nation.

    Posted by the amazon chick | July 6, 2012, 19:43

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